不能说的•秘密

Secret made me cry.

I really love this film. (Or probably I love everything Jay does.) It is definitely not the cliché love story. In fact, it’s a simple romantic love story but with a remarkable twist and an unexpected ending. The setting, the shooting and the scenes were excellent. Jay is indeed talented and he knows exactly what appeals to the mass audience today. I applaud him for his first directed movie. Some people may find this film rather unrealistic at some point. But I think the idea is that at the end of it, when different puzzles piece together, the film leaves the audience with some room for their own thoughts and revelations. I believe that if I watch it a second time, I may realize something new.

But what I hated about this movie was that it actually left me feeling heartache and depressed the whole evening. Because I could connect with the emotions of the female lead – she was depressed because no one understood what she was going through emotionally. There was a scene when she was inscribing words on the table and crying terribly: 我爱你。你爱我吗? It really made me upset. The film ingeniously engaged me emotionally with a mix of the desire for a simple romance and the heartbreaks that come with it.

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前
在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 oh

回忆的画面
在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见
只让我们相恋这一季的秋天
飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片
要我怎么捡

Two interesting articles I read online:

Jay Chou looks for old feeling in new movie

23 Jun 2007
Source: YCWB

Besides the plot, Jay Chou was happy to talk about other "secrets". He revealed, that he wanted to express a student style of love, "the love of students is a very pure thing, it's not complicated like in society, but this is not my biography". He said, his own first love was not as exciting as in the movie, "She wasn't as beautiful as the female lead in the movie, and I wasn't as thoughtful like in the movie, if it was filmed no one would watch it". Jay Chou admitted there was a kissing scene in the movie, not only that but he doesn't just kiss one girl. As for his own role, he revealed he has the most lines among everyone, and he didn't get dubbed, so he reckons everyone will get tired listening to it.

Jay Chou told of his honest reason for wanting to be a director: "I am an actor, I think that if I was a director I can control everything. I am a Capricorn, I like to control others." Some people questioned if he hired a "contractor" to film it, he shook his head: "I'm most afraid of people suspecting this one. In order to avoid suspicion, I didn't even let Andrew Lau come visit, only until the last day did he come and watch my movie, as a result he said I learnt from him." After filming "Secret", Jay Chou will not be directing movies for three years, "Being the director of a MV is very relaxing, being a movie director is too tiring, for the next three years I'll be concentrating on making music". But if he was to film the next one, he wants to film a martial arts movie.

Female lead Guey Lun-mei commented on Jay Chou: "He isn't so cool like when you see him normally, he doesn't like to talk but is very witty". In fact, yesterday at the press conference Jay Chou showed off his humorous side. When a reporter asked him what "secrets" were there that he could not tell the outside world, he expressed: "There are too many secrets that cannot be told, the first is my mother's age. Also there's love, if I get a girlfriend in the future, I won't talk about it. In terms of other things, it is just a blank piece of paper, everyone is very clear about that. So talking about love, my mouth will be a bit tighter." So what would Jay Chou do if the paparazzi secretly filmed his "relationship"? He chose to act like a child: "If I don't admit to it then it's not true, if they filmed me with my mother and said I was dating, isn't that going over the top. Also I have to remind the girls beside me to be careful, otherwise it will be very easy for people to say you are dating."

Jay Chou lightning kiss, spends millions

03 Jul 2007
Source: UDN

Finally Jay Chou can talk about the kissing scenes in his new self-starring self-directed movie "Secret", firstly Guey Lun-mei secretly kisses Jay Chou, and then the two kiss each other mouth to mouth in the sunset at Tam Sui, according to reports, filming these two kissing scenes nearly made Jay Chou "crazy", he completely reminisced about the scene of his first love.

Even though he stated clearly this was not an autobiography, but "Secret" hides too many real little secrets of Jay Chou, as the release date 10th of August draws closer, the secrets gradually leak out.

For example the kissing scene that has just been exposed, was designed by Jay Chou, describing the first time he and Guey Lun-mei open up about their feelings, the two arrange to take a walk around the record shop, as they walk, Guey Lun-mei couldn't help but steal a kiss on Jay Chou.

For filming this scene, Jay Chou spent nearly a million yuan to hire out the café at Shi-Da Road, they spent 3 days redecorating it into an old fashioned record shop. Jay Chou ordered that Yao Su Jung's old song "Tears Of Lovers" must be played at the set. Everyone was surprised, they thought Jay Chou's mother was coming to visit, Jay Chou said with complete confidence "I think that song's got a lot of atmosphere".

The director on the set is the biggest and what he say goes, Jay Chou officially shouts "Action", Guey Lun-mei kisses him at lightning speed, Jay Chou was very happy, then his heartbeat started going faster, he completely "forgot who I was".

But this was only the warm up, the story develops to the point the two's relationship is strong, they arrange to meet at Tam Sui at sunset, they kiss in front of the beautiful scenery, mouth to mouth, but Jay Chou has insisted the pictures of the scene must not be exposed.

頭文字 D Tonight on TV

It was one of my favourite movies.
It was one of our favourite movies.

Hope I don’t get upset after watching it again.

一路向北

后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面徘徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔著泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回

Success is a journey, not a destination

I’m not the kind of girl who talks alot, so I don't really like those who are talkative and exhibit the kind of behaviour like some marketplace-aunties. Don’t understand why those people behind me like to yack so much during office hours. Simply like nothing better to do. I thought girls should have a personality – and to me – means to remain cool. I can’t communicate with them. Don’t see the need to anyway. Conversely, girls like Li Phing are attractive – Pretty, well-groomed, capable, serious in her work and carries herself well. My role-model.

****************************************************

A MOMENT OF TERROR at 6.50pm: We were walking to the mrt station and were chatting about work. SUDDENLY, a middle-aged woman came up to Kelvin from behind and shouted “Fuck your mother la!” a few times. We both went into a state of shock. Then, I burst out laughing. Gees!

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喜欢看你走路充满自信
说话时候你的专注眼神
温柔的表情笑容里的天真

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Weekend Schedule
Friday – After work: Visa Application.

Saturday – Morning: Release of exam results!
Noon: Networking Lunch & Welcome Tea for incoming freshmen,
at University Hall
Late afternoon: Shopping for laptop accessories and travel stuff
in town
Evening: Dinner and wine with George (my consolation)

Sunday – Whole day: Research project for Prof. Ahn

SO many things not done yet, next weekend is equally bad. I admit I have been too ambitious and thus I’m feeling really overloaded now. No time to slack like a student on summer vacation. I’ll try to squeeze in some slack time in June. All work and no play made me such a dull girl. Today, I’ve got 30% of Config Mgtm Team’s work transferred to me, on top of my regular support for Finacle Apps Team. And the next few weeks will be super busy with all the functional teams signing off their deliverables. I foresee… packed lunches in office and late evenings’ work. Meetings sucks, esp the one just now. I remember I did the mini lecture on meeting/group behaviours for Biz Com last sem. I really want to burst out laughing this afternoon. I was trying to categorize what kind of behaviour those people were exhibiting during the discussion. They ought to be taught by Catherine Cook on how to improve their meeting skills!

****************************************************

我相信找不到有比你更好的人
你心里理想情人是几分
是否也会有我的份
好想知道你的100分会给怎样的人

****************************************************

Yesterday’s SMP Appreciation Ceremony was quite crap to me. Is there a need for that? Quite like a show to me; against my beliefs. Anyway, some of us were talking and they claimed my pay is like 3 x of theirs. I didn’t know internships are generally so badly paid. I do feel some gratification and motivated to work harder.

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Until the day I meet you, my life will be like this everyday.

Paranoid

I felt really intimidated by what I heard in office this afternoon. Luckily, it’s not yet a serious matter and I hope that everything stays well. I’ve been feeling so tensed up these few days while waiting for my medical test result. I feel like I’m going mad praying everyday that the clinic does not call me and tell me bad news. I just hope that they don’t ever call which means that I’m fine. I pray and pray and pray.

It was a bad choice to sit beside Zhihao during lunch. Gosh, he is so talkative. And I really hate to answer questions about myself, my past and everything. Spare me please! And I wonder who’s that guy Cheryl told me just now. Anyway, doesn’t matter la, just another typical Singaporean guy. Typical guys usually don’t catch my attention. But then, I’m getting so paranoid again. I just hope people can leave me alone and let me keep a low profile. I just want to do my internship well and have a good record. Been feeling disillusioned, though Kelvin has been telling me that all internships are almost the same, as in you don’t get really challenging tasks. And worse, I feel distanced from my passion even though I’m on the DBS core banking project, because Accenture is afterall a technology-based company. Never mind la. Pay is good and Accenture is a reputable company so it will still add value to my resume. I shall not be lazy again next summer and put in the effort to complete the ever-long-winded application forms for some banking/fs postions.

I heard my all-time fave song on Class 95 today. Inspired as usual.

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

– Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson

R E V E L A T I O N S

Welcome to my new blog.

I like this template. Black and white is nice. Simple is nice.

Well, it’s been a long time since I wrote. And there are so many thoughts and emotions I wanna share.

It was a nightmare. And when I finally opened my eyes, I found that the people around me were all different. Then I realized that everything I once embraced, I once thought was so important, was not at all.

我曾 认真 试爱着一个人

他给我幸福的可能

我等 我问 未来何时发生

他只是给我一个吻

快乐 我哭 是因为你的手

曾答应带我向前走

难过 我哭 是因为我的手

找不到你说的 以后

好眼泪 坏眼泪 我都曾为你流

感动和悲伤都是理由

只不过 在你不再爱我了以后

像坏的眼泪慢慢流

只希望 在我不再想你了之后

有好的眼泪慢慢流

有好的笑容陪着我

Depression is scary. I don’t want to go through it again. I will learn to smile abit more everyday, to be grateful for everyday. I promise. Actually it’s never too late to realize anything or to change anything, at least one can still be hopeful then. So I tell myself, even if I had wasted so many years pursing something which was already wrong from the start, its ok. I learn. I will become better. I have distanced from many people – people who were once so close to me – but who now belong to a different world, which I can no longer relate. And because I know that only through leaving them can I let my nightmare fade. I don’t want to even remember who, what, where.

I don’t need a lot of friends. I used to have tons. So what? True friends are hard to come by. At least, after all these while, I have reconciled with reality. I was glad I patched things up with Pam. How could I ever forget who was the one by my side at the lowest point in my life? How could I ever forget who held my hand tightly when I can’t stop crying? How could I walk out of it without her?

B is for Bastard. I like to call him that and everyone finds it a suitable name.

开始旅行寂寞很清醒
我在靠近过去的边境
有些恋人只是
路过时的风景

曾经太过年轻却绝对真心
我给的爱始终任性
不懂花开只一次的爱情

Time flies. I have been in NUS for two years. I love NUS! In fact, I love studying and I really enjoy what I am learning. All thanks to my passion that I am able to survive through difficult times. Studying is never a bed of roses, especially in Biz where it’s so competitive. But, if you really devote your heart and soul into loving what you do, it no longer becomes a chore. I just hope that I can do better because I know I can. Hey... I’m not bragging about my results and I never think that they are fantastic. Just wished that the people around me can understand that different people have different expectations, given different experiences and achievements, so how can different people have the same desires?

If not for school, I guess I wouldn’t have the chance to meet really great friends - Yingxia, Deb, Jon, Yougang. They brightened up my life when all around me was dark. I miss the days in classes, lunches, KTVs… But well, we are not as close last sem. Probably, it’s me. Sometimes, I think my attitude is really bad. Still struggling to handle my emotions.

Doing an internship with Accenture now. Quite a cool company but people work really hard. But I guess it’s the same at every place and for anyone who is ambitious. So I will try to learn as much from the people there in the next three months. And I can’t wait to go New York - the most exciting part of my Uni-life awaits me. Truly, it’s a DREAM come true. I am going to live and study in the city of the world. Never thought I would have this chance, at least not with B. Never. But well, the world looks beautiful now. New environment. New friends. New life. How excited I am!

I got my second medical test result this morning. Phew. One more to go. I pray hard.

You came back today. I never told you but I did miss you when you were not here. You really touched my heart for all that you have done for me. Though sometimes you are really dumb, you have a truly sincere heart and personality, which our world seriously is deprived of.

“You are my princess. I won’t forsake you no matter what.”

Thanks.