Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Promise of a Lifetime

I’m beginning to enjoy my really-early-morning jogs. Got up at 530 this morning. I love the fresh air and the break of dawn. And there’s a simple feeling of happiness in my heart today. Unexplainable feeling. Lol, it puzzles me but whatever it is, it’s good even if it’s just for a while.

And I think there’s a girl staying in my estate getting married today. I was exercising when I saw about 7 cars coming in. The lead is probably the groom and he was driving a convertible. I guess they are here to pick up the bride. And after that, there was this filming going on about the whole process, the cars were horning, their friends were cheering and all the happy voices in the air. I was a distance away but I could feel the joy. My heart went like wooooo so sweet…~! I wonder how people feel on their wedding day. Stressed? Tired? Or too touched by the happiness? I think it involves alot of courage for people to commit into a lifetime promise, though there are many people who just treat it as part of life’s process and also those don't care about breaking promises. To me, marriage is sacred. Hmm, I was trying to vision my wedding day. Haha! Even though the past still have negative effects on me, I’m becoming hopeful. Ooooooh.. I’m beginning to feel my heart waiting for the day I could have my own family with the special one I love. And I wonder who will be the guy who can give me the courage again to promise him a lifetime.

Emotionally Challenged

Just finished watching 神雕侠侣 The Return of the Condor Heroes 2006. Have watched many versions before but the story never failed to touch me deeply.

The Broken Heart Cliff

After they returned to the Passionless Valley to obtain the antidote for Yang Guo's poison, Yang Guo threw the antidote that Xiaolongnü had fought to retrieve down the Broken Heart Cliff. Since Xiaolongnü's wound was incurable, Yang Guo did not want to live without her. However, Xiaolongnü did not want Yang Guo to die. She jumped off the Broken Heart Cliff, leaving a message for Yang Guo that said they would meet again in 16 years. Realising that Yang Guo did not see through Xiaolongnü's message, Huang Rong tricked him into believing that there is a "Divine Nun of the South Sea" who comes around every 16 years and has the ability to heal Xiaolongnü. Heart-broken, Yang Guo believed her and returned to the Condor who he had befriended earlier and continued his martial arts training, and developed a new palm technique called Melancholic Palms, which responses to his disability and emotions. Yang Guo waited for sixteen years. He spent his time developing his martial arts with that divine bird and then wandering the land, becoming a well known hero. On the day he was supposed to meet Xiao Long Nu, Yang Guo found out that Nanhai Nun did not exist and that she actually jumped off the cliff, so he jumped off the cliff to join her in death.

问世间情为何物,直教人生死相许

We don't see this in reality at all. In contrast, the kind of complicated relationships people get into these days is depressing to me. I remember there was a scene when Yang Guo said that some people are able to shift their affections around different people easily, but some people would only love once in their entire life.

As for myself, I will wait for a true love. Or probably just waiting for an impossible.

The Beaufort Hotel at Sentosa is a nice getaway from city life. But it’s quite expensive, which probably explains the exclusive peacefulness we get to enjoy. No noisy MRT sounds. No human traffic jam. No work stress and complicated issues. No noise pollution. No need to see the people I don’t like. Comfortable and relaxed. Though it’s just for a short while, it has no doubt lifted my spirits.

So, thank you for the Chanel compact. And thanks for having me there. I appreciate it.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

只有自己才能让自己微笑

Worked till 9pm plus and feeling quite tired now. But still must put things into perspective.

My Plans-In-Progress Checklist

Finalise NY-Jap Travel dates
US Visa and travel documents
NYU term housing

Get NYU fall syllabus and buy textbooks
Buy carry-in luggage and travel laptop bag
Buy new skin care
NY post-term housing and Xmas Plan

Japan New Year Travel Plan
CFA Exams Plan

I finally got my US visa yesterday. It was a painful process – from trying to understand the different visa status and the whole application process (with Jeremiah’s help!), to filling up the various forms (there’s alot of details!), to getting all the required documents ready, to buying the cashier’s order and paying for the sevis fee online (cost $320!! And it’s really for nothing!!), to booking the interview appointment online, to queuing under the tent outside the US embassy (they don’t allow entry until the exact time!), to being treated like a terrorist at the embassy (it was a stressful experience!), to being traumatized by the embassy officer (they try their best to detect terrorism-ness in applicants), to rushing from office yesterday during lunch to collect the visa (they give you a fixed time to come back and no other alternatives you can propose) to finally… my visa! What a hassle!

Dear Pammy is back in sg! Finally, someone I’ll love as a shopping companion. I want to try a new range of skin care products, realized my existing one has not been satisfactory. I need to get alot of stuff too like my carry-in luggage which is the most important. Not too many things though, would rather buy what I need at NYC. There are still many things in my agenda not done, but it’s fun actually, all these preparation and stuff. And I have some friends to thank who have helped me alot so far – Xanthus, Darryl, George, Jeremiah. Hmm, all guys! Oh well.

And I’m engineering a trip to Japan after Christmas in NY. Many people may wonder why Japan and not Europe or somewhere else which may be more exciting. Well, Japan has been my childhood dream, especially to visit Hello Kitty Land! Everyone knows Esther loves Hello Kitty! It’s really my DREAM! So, I’m going to make my dream come true. It’s a few months’ wait but it will be worth it. It will be my motivation when I’m studying hard at NYU.

Hmm, with all exciting plans in progress, and many nice friends around me for lunch, dinner, weekends.. How can anyone in my position be feeling depressed? But, I am.

(Here she goes again.) I haven’t been talking to mum since Monday. I refused to talk to her. Yes, I admit I’m an attention-seeking person. I need attention from my mum and bro. Apparently, I’ve lost my bro for a month since he found a gf. He no longer has time for me – to talk and play like we used to, go out for shopping and meals and stuff … But, I’m not blaming him or anything. Come to think of it, did he feel this way previously when I was with my ex? I guessed so. He must have suffered in silence all these years. But, it doesn’t give me a reason not to feel upset about. So, I’m not talking to people at home cos my heart is hurting and I’m too ashamed to say it out. Worse, I feel that my mum doesn’t like me (paranoid right?). She is just trying to fulfill her role and responsibility as a mum (oh esther, pls stop it!). But it’s true, that’s what I’m feeling. She seems to like talking to everyone else but me. If she has a choice to choose who her daughter is, I don’t think she’ll pick me. Cried during dinner with George last week when I told him what I’m feeling. Sigh, I know I’m being so paranoid and negative.

Actually, I’m to blame for many things that I’m unhappy about too. I think I have attitude problem and I guess many people get frustrated with me just as well. Cos I’m simply too impatient with people, with low tolerance. I get super irritated when I can’t get my idea across to people easily. So, I feel it’s tiring to hang out with some people, though it really is not their fault and I may be too critical. This is something which I HAVE to change. I should be more accommodating and understanding towards others since no two brains work the same way. This being a transition period for me as I’m trying to change myself will be tough. Hopefully when I’ve passed this phrase, I will feel better.

But, one thing for sure, an emotion I’ve developed over the years against some people who like to infringe my personal space – get off my back please. I’m not too kind to people who step into my private zone. And I believe that there are some things we cannot change because we will lose our personality in the process.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

思念的六月心情

曾拥有幸福的人,才能体会什么是悲伤。

曾经深爱过的人,才能体会孤独的滋味。

世上最寂寞的人,就是在喧闹的城市中,

也感觉不到一滴情感,一丝感动;

在繁忙的生活中,也握不到一双温暖的手。

頭文字 D Tonight on TV

It was one of my favourite movies.
It was one of our favourite movies.

Hope I don’t get upset after watching it again.

一路向北

后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪

在车窗外面徘徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔著泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎

我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Broadcast Asia 19 –22 June 2007

It had been an enriching experience for me these 4 days at Singapore Expo for Broadcast Asia 2007. As it was the second time I took part in this event, I felt more relaxed and experienced in a way. I thoroughly enjoyed this event (it beats sitting in the office doing data crunching from morning to evening every boring day) as I get the chance to meet and speak to many international delegates - His Excellency Paulo Alberto, Ambassador of Brazil, the Permanent Secretary of the Prime Minister’s office of Brunei, CEOs and professionals from Sweden, Germany, China, Korea, Hong Kong, Malaysia and all over the world. I also get the chance to catch up with people I have known since last year, like Mediacorp Group CEO Lucas Chow, Assan, Giulio, William, the people from MDA and many others. It was a great time for networking and the only time I can get to use my name cards printed by the BBA office (else they would be sitting in my drawer collecting dust). I’ve been with GoMobile since BCA 2006, helping my boss with all the marketing and PR events and press conferences. I had done my fair share of reading up and learning on the job, not discounting the fact that I’m paid really well too!

Though broadcasting and digital multimedia technology may not be my forte, the event has no doubt provided me with an extremely good experience, with the chance to observe and study how different people from different countries and backgrounds come together to negotiate business, how professionals carry themselves and how unprofessional some people can be. I learned alot on the technicalities of this booming industry as well – DAB, DVB, DVB-H, DVB-T, DVB-S, T-DMB, DMB bla bla bla. I remembered how terrorized I was by all these terms when I first started learning them a year ago. How glad I am for myself that I’m able to let my concepts flow freely when I conduct presentations to clients.

This year, I’m really impressed with my friend Giulio as he was the highlight of the Singapore Media Fusion. I believe he has worked really hard for the past year to achieve such remarkable success. He told me that it had been tough trying to build alliances and getting companies to invest and collaborate. Giulio is a very nice person and I'm happy for him. His picture was on The Straits Times Friday June 22 with a page write-up on “Tune in to uninterrupted live TV anywhere”.

Giulio is the CEO of PGK Media and in alliance with Zentek, NCS, CNBC Asia, ESPN STAR Sports, Nokia and Sumsung, he has launched TV2GO, a Digital Mobile TV Broadcasting trial in Singapore. I recalled at BCA 2006, Giulio had only a small area and he had to showcase his TV-bag at our booth. And I had to be his model for that. But this year, he is different! His booth is centralized and he showcased 100 Nokia/Samsung phones receiving different broadcast programs at any time. It was the central of attraction for the press and the VIPs. In contrast, our booth seemed less in the limelight. We only had 2 paragraphs of media coverage in The Straits Times.

Well, I think it’s my boss. He really should be more aggressive. It’s useless having great technologies without anyone’s recognition. It’s equivalent to having nothing. In fact, our company is the only one in Singapore with two broadcast trial licenses, PGK has only one and Innoxius has one too. But my boss is so stubborn. He told me he refused to do what Giulio has done, simply just to capture all media attention but no true technology. And I can tell he refused to walk over and be friendly. Maybe he’s right but I don’t know that much to judge his position. But anyway, there’s alot to learn on my side as I see how hard work can transform businesses, how people can rise to power and status, how friends can become enemies, how people can fall, and the secrets behind success. Both PGK and ourselves are start-ups, aggressively supported by MDA, but both are almost one-man-show kind. With limitations in resources and finance, it’s not easy, but if Giulio can change his destiny, I don’t see the reason why my boss can’t. He is just too stubborn. Clouded! Like how George slapped me with this word too. lol..


Giulio (He's a white boy and a sweetheart too) showing his mobile TV to Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, Minister for Community Development, Youth and Sports, and Second Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts.


Dr Lee Boon Yang, Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts interviewed by Channel 5 News.


This is opposite my booth and a very interesting one. Don't know why it's here in the first place. It's the launch of Brazilian Football & Leisure Channel & Web Portal in Singapore. Quite a hot issue, been hearing the publicity on Class 95 every morning for the past week.


His Excellency Paulo Alberto, Ambassador of Brazil


They gave Dr Vivian a very nice jersey - Romario 11!


Hahaha.. this is my boss! Trying to look serious in front of the press. He's a joker..

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Life Goes On...

The word FAT has been haunting me recently. This may sound disgusting but I’m deeply traumatized by the amount of weight and fats that I’ve put on. Arrrhhhhhh, it’s depressing me so much that it’s forcing me to wake up at 6am to jog. But, this once a week kind of thing doesn’t seem to have much effect on me. But given my current schedule, that’s the best I can do. How I miss the good-old-slim days! The exchange for no late nights, no clubbing, no smoke, no noise pollution, no drink-till-i-puke and no dance-till-3am is fatness and more fatness. But again, I think I’m healthier now (hopefully) cos when I used to party till morning, I’ll usually only wake up in the afternoon or evening, and would have missed breakfast and lunch, leaving only a meal a day kind. And one doesn’t really have too good an appetite given that kind of lifestyle. Well, I guess I just have to workout more now. And snack less in office. People tend to eat very good food if they work in town. Just last week, Kel and Guojian went with me to Sakae Sushi at CPF Building for dinner. I had buffet while they watched me eat and were so amused about it.

It’s time I do something before I start ripping all my clothes apart.

Friday was Junming’s last day of internship. He’s from NTU and has applied for special term. We got him a cake to wish him well and… the cake is so pretty!


Front: Kel, Junming, me
(I look terrible! Didn't have enough slp aft
Café del mar night)
Back: Guojian, Zhihao

Can tell right, I’m the only girl intern. In fact, I’m the only intern from Business. Accenture generally takes in more people from engine or computing for internships. But, nvm la, it’s fun hanging out with these guys. They are not the boring kind of people and are good listeners too. I was telling Guojian that he has got the nature that I’ll like (but don’t be mistaken, we are just good friends) – not too passive and quiet, not too talkative and confident, no bad habits, has his views and opinions and are vocal about them, positive about life, humorous, sincere and the list goes on. He’s got a m'sian gf and it’s precisely bcos he’s so nice to his gf that I’m really impressed with him. So I told him if one day he betrays his gf, that’s it, I’ll hate him. But seriously, I have realized that these are some of the traits that complement me well. He’s from China, so I guess sg still lacks guys who can appeal to me. Our recent hottest topic is about hamster.

It has been raining since hamster asked me to join him for gym yesterday morning. I think it’s an indication that I should not meet him, so I didn’t. As I was telling the guys, my perception of him changed totally after the café del mar night. I’m not for a smoker as my bf (social or not) – smokers are not any bad people but to me, they lack discipline, are easily tempted and fall to addictions. First impression of him was really good – he’s cute (baby face la), well-groomed, speaks well, looks serious in his work and bla. And I told Guojian it’s all his fault. If he didn’t stand at that position at City Hall station that night, we wouldn’t have met hamster on the train, he wouldn’t have started a conversation with me, and we wouldn’t have known that we actually stayed so near to each other, and he wouldn’t have asked me to play tennis, and I wouldn’t feel so bad that I rejected him.. I wasn’t even aware of his existence before that. Anyway, he was so mean to Guojian when we took the cab home from Sentosa. He actually told him to sit in front since he’s getting off first, not in a very nice way. Never judge a book by its cover and it requires different settings to understand a person’s true self. Some guys are dangerous to fall for, esp good looking guys. The more he tries to make an impression, the more he tries to make me fall for him, the more I feel disgusted with him. I have been around enough to read a person’s mind. I hope my next week’s 4 days leave for Broadcast Asia will dissolve all emotions somehow. Relationship is definitely not my priority now anyway.

I'll rather focus on doing things that doesn't hurt me in future. We were informed previously that housing is very tight at NYU, so they will conduct a lottery (random selection) for NYU housing.


I’m really lucky if not I think I will be crying my heart out now. It sucks not to be able to experience hall life at nyu, I mean that’s one of the reasons we are going there for. The check-in date for 26th Street residence is 26th Aug (Haha..). My flight would arrive at JFK airport at 10.40pm and a cab down to manhattan would probably take half an hour, so I was wondering if I have to book a hotel for the night since it would probably be too late to check-in the hall. So I emailed the hall manager and surprise, he is so friendly and helpful! There will be a security guard around to assist me and I’ll get to check-in on 25th.


Investment Banking is not offered in NUS so I’m really excited, though I would have to work hard to refresh my maths for Options and Futures which is definitely going to be really challenging.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Café del Mar tomorrow~!

It’s a party week for me! First on the agenda, it’s Café del Mar tomorrow evening! I’m so excited and I’m expecting a great time with everyone. Food and drinks through the night. Summer doesn’t get any better than this.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

My Journey - Rejuvenated

I woke up rejuvenated this morning, and I know that my conversation with Christopher last night has been rewarding. Chris is a manager at Accenture and he was part of the process that got me this internship. He is back in Singapore for a week before he goes back to Jakarta for his project at OCBC. I haven’t got the chance to speak to him about my work as he was away for reservist, until last night. I felt ashamed that I actually had compromised to the forces at work and nearly gave up my fighting spirit. I was told to “tone down” by my supervisor - to relax, enjoy time with my colleagues and not always be working. I’m puzzled. If I want to enjoy, I can do that with my own friends. If I do not want to learn, I wouldn’t be there in the first place. I would have simply slack my days through the whole summer. I can, of cos, benefit from the Accenture glam on my resume, but what I truly want to takeaway are skills and experiences that will support my personal development. But I realized that aggressiveness is being put off in my team. It’s not that I find the work too mediocre for me but the pace is simply too slow and the exposure is limited. My request was that on top of my current tasks, for me to sit in one of the design workshops (just a backseat will do), so that I can experience how the consultants work and speak to the clients. How do you expect to learn in an environment where contractors are both your colleagues and supervisors? How do you expect to learn in an environment where people are always giggling behind their computers and chatting? How do you expect to learn in an environment where copy and paste is your daily task? Of cos, I recognize that every work has its differentiated learning experience. This project is exciting and the work that the managers and the different tracks have done is remarkable. There is no doubt about that. But on my side, when I tried to read the functional designs, processes, reports and forms that were designed by our consultants, I realized that I am too slow in my copy and paste work. Given my current job scope as a data entry machine, I could not find any add-ons to my knowledge.

Many times, I thought that there must be something wrong with me. When I question and ask for more, people’s replies are usually “Doesn’t matter la”, “It’s not important”, “Relax la, don’t have to bother about this” or the like. Even in school, people don’t seem to pay attention to details, to seek perfection in everything they do. I feel discouraged by the general culture here in Singapore and kind of priorities people have, if they have any at all. The more we matured, the more educated we are, aren’t we not supposed to question more into social perceptions and habits that have been so readily accepted by everyone? And why are so many people inclined to take things passively? Of course, I recognized that people have different expectations and that could be a sweeping statement. But through my experiences in school and work, I can see that though there are definitely the outstanding ones, the average person falls short greatly.

Chris told me he wants to help me because he was in a similar position before. He told me that he sees potential and traits in me that are lacking in many people. He told me that it usually takes a person 5-6 years to become a manager at Accenture, but he was able to achieve that in 4 years – a record time. He told me that it requires a great deal of effort and it means having the right people to justify your value at work – and that’s your client. He will tell me more next week when we meet up for drinks. The most delightful thing he promised me is that he will be passing me materials and teaching me personally on an area we are both passionate in – Risk Management. In fact, he will be deployed in July to work in London for a year for his client Barclays! It’s so fantastic. I yearn for such opportunities. Talking about this reminds me how much I miss school, miss studying finance. To me, what hides behind academic results are motivation, discipline, passion, hard work and most importantly, sacrifices. Say for this summer, when my peers are enjoying their weekends in town or partying till late nights, I am doing my research project at home. And my motivation is that I can get to study Investment Banking at NYU! My dream is to become an investment banker, if not, a private banker. It’s really not only because of the money but also for the pride and achievement that comes along with challenges. I believe that - the reversal of roles – in 5 years’ time, I will take pride in my career and be empowered in my own life. I will persevere in this journey that I’m going through. =)

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Love is in the air?

The air feels sweet tonight. I'm sitting at my window enjoying the breeze and Class 95 love songs. I worked till 9pm but I'm not feeling really tired now. I can't explain this feeling, but I'm feeling happy tonight, and it's been some time since. Am I thinking too much into things? Too sensitive? Actually, I sort of regretted that I rejected the invitation. Hmm, but why do I feel this way? I hope it's not just another emotion that fades away fast. Since it had bothered me the whole day, I will try out something tomorrow. I hope it will be a nice surprise. I hope I will find something that I have been looking for.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Life lessons from Narayana Murth

Thanks George for sharing this article with me. I know what you are trying to make me understand and I know that I have much more to learn. =) I'll adopt a more patient and humble attitude from now on. Such a coincidence - this speech was given at the school that I will be going soon and the speaker is the chairman of the company that's supporting Accenture on the project I'm currently working on.

“When, one day, you have made your mark on the world, remember that, in the ultimate analysis, we are all mere temporary custodians of the wealth we generate, whether it be financial, intellectual, or emotional.”

I am deeply inspired by his words and I’ll work harder to become a better person. Let me share this with all my dear friends too.

May 28, 2007

N R Narayana Murthy, chief mentor and chairman of the board, Infosys Technologies, delivered a pre-commencement lecture at the New York University (Stern School of Business) on May 9. It is a scintillating speech, Murthy speaks about the lessons he learnt from his life and career. We present it for our readers:

Dean Cooley, faculty, staff, distinguished guests, and, most importantly, the graduating class of 2007, it is a great privilege to speak at your commencement ceremonies.

I thank Dean Cooley and Prof Marti Subrahmanyam for their kind invitation. I am exhilarated to be part of such a joyous occasion. Congratulations to you, the class of 2007, on completing an important milestone in your life journey.

After some thought, I have decided to share with you some of my life lessons. I learned these lessons in the context of my early career struggles, a life lived under the influence of sometimes unplanned events which were the crucibles that tempered my character and reshaped my future.

I would like first to share some of these key life events with you, in the hope that these may help you understand my struggles and how chance events and unplanned encounters with influential persons shaped my life and career.

Later, I will share the deeper life lessons that I have learned. My sincere hope is that this sharing will help you see your own trials and tribulations for the hidden blessings they can be.

The first event occurred when I was a graduate student in Control Theory at IIT, Kanpur, in India. At breakfast on a bright Sunday morning in 1968, I had a chance encounter with a famous computer scientist on sabbatical from a well-known US university.

He was discussing exciting new developments in the field of computer science with a large group of students and how such developments would alter our future. He was articulate, passionate and quite convincing. I was hooked. I went straight from breakfast to the library, read four or five papers he had suggested, and left the library determined to study computer science.

Friends, when I look back today at that pivotal meeting, I marvel at how one role model can alter for the better the future of a young student. This experience taught me that valuable advice can sometimes come from an unexpected source, and chance events can sometimes open new doors.

The next event that left an indelible mark on me occurred in 1974. The location: Nis, a border town between former Yugoslavia, now Serbia, and Bulgaria. I was hitchhiking from Paris back to Mysore, India, my home town.

By the time a kind driver dropped me at Nis railway station at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night, the restaurant was closed. So was the bank the next morning, and I could not eat because I had no local money. I slept on the railway platform until 8.30 pm in the night when the Sofia Express pulled in.

The only passengers in my compartment were a girl and a boy. I struck a conversation in French with the young girl. She talked about the travails of living in an iron curtain country, until we were roughly interrupted by some policemen who, I later gathered, were summoned by the young man who thought we were criticising the communist government of Bulgaria.

The girl was led away; my backpack and sleeping bag were confiscated. I was dragged along the platform into a small 8x8 foot room with a cold stone floor and a hole in one corner by way of toilet facilities. I was held in that bitterly cold room without food or water for over 72 hours.

I had lost all hope of ever seeing the outside world again, when the door opened. I was again dragged out unceremoniously, locked up in the guard's compartment on a departing freight train and told that I would be released 20 hours later upon reaching Istanbul. The guard's final words still ring in my ears - "You are from a friendly country called India and that is why we are letting you go!"

The journey to Istanbul was lonely, and I was starving. This long, lonely, cold journey forced me to deeply rethink my convictions about Communism. Early on a dark Thursday morning, after being hungry for 108 hours, I was purged of any last vestiges of affinity for the Left.

I concluded that entrepreneurship, resulting in large-scale job creation, was the only viable mechanism for eradicating poverty in societies.

Deep in my heart, I always thank the Bulgarian guards for transforming me from a confused Leftist into a determined, compassionate capitalist! Inevitably, this sequence of events led to the eventual founding of Infosys in 1981.

While these first two events were rather fortuitous, the next two, both concerning the Infosys journey, were more planned and profoundly influenced my career trajectory.

On a chilly Saturday morning in winter 1990, five of the seven founders of Infosys met in our small office in a leafy Bangalore suburb. The decision at hand was the possible sale of Infosys for the enticing sum of $1 million. After nine years of toil in the then business-unfriendly India, we were quite happy at the prospect of seeing at least some money.

I let my younger colleagues talk about their future plans. Discussions about the travails of our journey thus far and our future challenges went on for about four hours. I had not yet spoken a word.

Finally, it was my turn. I spoke about our journey from a small Mumbai apartment in 1981 that had been beset with many challenges, but also of how I believed we were at the darkest hour before the dawn. I then took an audacious step. If they were all bent upon selling the company, I said, I would buy out all my colleagues, though I did not have a cent in my pocket.

There was a stunned silence in the room. My colleagues wondered aloud about my foolhardiness. But I remained silent. However, after an hour of my arguments, my colleagues changed their minds to my way of thinking. I urged them that if we wanted to create a great company, we should be optimistic and confident. They have more than lived up to their promise of that day.

In the seventeen years since that day, Infosys has grown to revenues in excess of $3.0 billion, a net income of more than $800 million and a market capitalisation of more than $28 billion, 28,000 times richer than the offer of $1 million on that day.

In the process, Infosys has created more than 70,000 well-paying jobs, 2,000-plus dollar-millionaires and 20,000-plus rupee millionaires.

A final story: On a hot summer morning in 1995, a Fortune-10 corporation had sequestered all their Indian software vendors, including Infosys, in different rooms at the Taj Residency hotel in Bangalore so that the vendors could not communicate with one another. This customer's propensity for tough negotiations was well-known. Our team was very nervous.

First of all, with revenues of only around $5 million, we were minnows compared to the customer.

Second, this customer contributed fully 25% of our revenues. The loss of this business would potentially devastate our recently-listed company.

Third, the customer's negotiation style was very aggressive. The customer team would go from room to room, get the best terms out of each vendor and then pit one vendor against the other. This went on for several rounds. Our various arguments why a fair price -- one that allowed us to invest in good people, R&D, infrastructure, technology and training -- was actually in their interest failed to cut any ice with the customer.

By 5 p.m. on the last day, we had to make a decision right on the spot whether to accept the customer's terms or to walk out.

All eyes were on me as I mulled over the decision. I closed my eyes, and reflected upon our journey until then. Through many a tough call, we had always thought about the long-term interests of Infosys. I communicated clearly to the customer team that we could not accept their terms, since it could well lead us to letting them down later. But I promised a smooth, professional transition to a vendor of customer's choice.

This was a turning point for Infosys.

Subsequently, we created a Risk Mitigation Council which ensured that we would never again depend too much on any one client, technology, country, application area or key employee. The crisis was a blessing in disguise. Today, Infosys has a sound de-risking strategy that has stabilised its revenues and profits.

I want to share with you, next, the life lessons these events have taught me.

1. I will begin with the importance of learning from experience. It is less important, I believe, where you start. It is more important how and what you learn. If the quality of the learning is high, the development gradient is steep, and, given time, you can find yourself in a previously unattainable place. I believe the Infosys story is living proof of this.

Learning from experience, however, can be complicated. It can be much more difficult to learn from success than from failure. If we fail, we think carefully about the precise cause. Success can indiscriminately reinforce all our prior actions.

2. A second theme concerns the power of chance events. As I think across a wide variety of settings in my life, I am struck by the incredible role played by the interplay of chance events with intentional choices. While the turning points themselves are indeed often fortuitous, how we respond to them is anything but so. It is this very quality of how we respond systematically to chance events that is crucial.

3. Of course, the mindset one works with is also quite critical. As recent work by the psychologist, Carol Dweck, has shown, it matters greatly whether one believes in ability as inherent or that it can be developed. Put simply, the former view, a fixed mindset, creates a tendency to avoid challenges, to ignore useful negative feedback and leads such people to plateau early and not achieve their full potential.

The latter view, a growth mindset, leads to a tendency to embrace challenges, to learn from criticism and such people reach ever higher levels of achievement (Krakovsky, 2007: page 48).

4. The fourth theme is a cornerstone of the Indian spiritual tradition: self-knowledge. Indeed, the highest form of knowledge, it is said, is self-knowledge. I believe this greater awareness and knowledge of oneself is what ultimately helps develop a more grounded belief in oneself, courage, determination, and, above all, humility, all qualities which enable one to wear one's success with dignity and grace.

Based on my life experiences, I can assert that it is this belief in learning from experience, a growth mindset, the power of chance events, and self-reflection that have helped me grow to the present.

Back in the 1960s, the odds of my being in front of you today would have been zero. Yet here I stand before you! With every successive step, the odds kept changing in my favour, and it is these life lessons that made all the difference.

My young friends, I would like to end with some words of advice. Do you believe that your future is pre-ordained, and is already set? Or, do you believe that your future is yet to be written and that it will depend upon the sometimes fortuitous events?

Do you believe that these events can provide turning points to which you will respond with your energy and enthusiasm? Do you believe that you will learn from these events and that you will reflect on your setbacks? Do you believe that you will examine your successes with even greater care?

I hope you believe that the future will be shaped by several turning points with great learning opportunities. In fact, this is the path I have walked to much advantage.

A final word: When, one day, you have made your mark on the world, remember that, in the ultimate analysis, we are all mere temporary custodians of the wealth we generate, whether it be financial, intellectual, or emotional. The best use of all your wealth is to share it with those less fortunate.

I believe that we have all at some time eaten the fruit from trees that we did not plant. In the fullness of time, when it is our turn to give, it behooves us in turn to plant gardens that we may never eat the fruit of, which will largely benefit generations to come. I believe this is our sacred responsibility, one that I hope you will shoulder in time.

Thank you for your patience. Go forth and embrace your future with open arms, and pursue enthusiastically your own life journey of discovery!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

In doubt again: US national security

Islamic suspects charged in alleged JFK airport terror plot

"Had the plot been carried out, it could have resulted in unfathomable damage, deaths, and destruction," US Attorney Roslynn Mauskopf said, telling reporters in New York the plan was "one of the most chilling plots imaginable".

"Any time you hit Kennedy, it is the most hurtful thing to the United States," he was alleged to have said. "They love John F. Kennedy like he's the man.. If you hit that, this whole country will be in mourning."

He was also alleged to have compared the plot to the September 11 attacks on New York's World Trade Centre in 2001. Other alleged plots believed to have been thwarted in New York since the September 11 attacks included plans to blow up a subway station and to bomb commuter train tunnels linking Manhattan to New Jersey.

Mama is nagging again – at my decision to go New York. I can understand her worries. We were already quite disturbed by the Virginia Tech massacre. Sigh.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I hope, it's the last time.

回家的路总是很远, 话少得很可怜, 一个人的晚餐都是孤单的滋味. 看见身边重复上演属于我们的画面, 选择逃避的眼怎么还是会流泪
爱着你的每一天
, 你就是我的世界, 那时候还以为我就爱这一遍. 没有你的每一天, 快乐离我好遥远, 心已随你走了, 还能用什么感觉

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I cannot find anyone who can understand me more than you. I cannot find anyone who can give me the kind of comfort you gave me. Yes, I’ve told everyone how much I hate you, but I know it in my heart, that the hatred was because of love.

I can feel your presence almost everyday for the past one year. Everywhere I go, everything I do, somehow, something always reminds me of you.

8 years ago, that night I was waiting alone at the bus stop, but you never turned up and I waited till 3am. I told myself I will not think about you anymore. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have given you another chance.

Looking back, it seems that many things were fated. We were fated to meet again and I was fated to love you again.

What is love?

If you really loved me, like how much you’ve always claimed, why did you get the both of us into so much trouble? If you really loved me, you would not have made my life so miserable.

But, if you didn’t loved me, you wouldn’t have done so much for me too. When I saw you being carried down from the ambulance, there was blood all over you, but you were holding the paper bag tightly in your hands. You never let go. It was my gift for you.

Why didn’t you just let us have a peaceful and simple life?

I don’t know. Till today, I still couldn’t understand anything.

My mum still scolds you often and sometimes she will ask if we are still in contact. Haa, if she knows I am blogging about you, she is going to get real upset. But, she is so much happier now because I’ve left you and my life has changed for the better.

How about you? Have you changed for the better?

I know we can never be together again.
I know you hate me for leaving you.
But, you will never know how depressed I actually felt.

Did time ever heal anything?

Yes, it did. At least, I am not crying anymore. At least, I can live my life without you. At least, I had experienced what many people might not even go through in their whole life - the kind of love that makes one disregard everything else.

I can still feel you at nights. The times we were together then. Even in the early mornings. I went jogging at 6am today and went past where we sat the first time at the park. I remember it was 5am plus and there was that old man who kept peeping at us from behind the tree, as if we were doing something. Lol…

Thinking of you makes me want to cry. Why did we turn out this way?

The more my mum scolds you, the more my friends curse you, the more suppressed I feel. Nobody understands how I feel. Nobody understands the pain of leaving someone you loved. The more I try to make myself busy, the more I try to mask my emotions, the more overwhelmed I am by emotions when everything comes to a standstill, and the sadder and lonelier I feel. Because of you, I am not ready to accept anyone into my life, no matter how good they are – compared to you. But to me, love is not a measure of how good or bad one is. What should I do? I’ve grown tired and exhausted from the times that go by, I hold my mask of emotions – I hold it inside with the tears I’ve not cried.

舍不得睁开眼睛, 害怕身边没有你, 也许在梦境里是我们最近的距离. 想念你温热的手心, 冷风里把我握紧, 当冬天又来临这温度该怎么延续..
谢谢你曾经爱过我
, 给我最美的经过,
但生命最爱被剥夺
, 未来的路该怎么走?

Do you know? I’m going New York soon. Since we broke up, I’ve always wanted to leave this place, be it for a few months, and now I finally have the chance.

I need a closure. Time, I will give myself more time. One day, I will meet that person who can light up my life once again. Meanwhile, I want to be strong, I want to grab all my dreams and I want to do it alone.

I’ve said it many times but I will say it again. This shall be the last time I talk about you.

Leaving you was the toughest thing I had to do. I miss you. Goodbye.