Worked till 9pm plus and feeling quite tired now. But still must put things into perspective.
My Plans-In-Progress Checklist
Finalise NY-Jap Travel dates US Visa and travel documents
NYU term housing
Get NYU fall syllabus and buy textbooks
Buy carry-in luggage and travel laptop bag
Buy new skin care
NY post-term housing and Xmas Plan
CFA Exams Plan
I finally got my
Dear Pammy is back in sg! Finally, someone I’ll love as a shopping companion. I want to try a new range of skin care products, realized my existing one has not been satisfactory. I need to get alot of stuff too like my carry-in luggage which is the most important. Not too many things though, would rather buy what I need at NYC. There are still many things in my agenda not done, but it’s fun actually, all these preparation and stuff. And I have some friends to thank who have helped me alot so far –
And I’m engineering a trip to
Hmm, with all exciting plans in progress, and many nice friends around me for lunch, dinner, weekends.. How can anyone in my position be feeling depressed? But, I am.
(Here she goes again.) I haven’t been talking to mum since Monday. I refused to talk to her. Yes, I admit I’m an attention-seeking person. I need attention from my mum and bro. Apparently, I’ve lost my bro for a month since he found a gf. He no longer has time for me – to talk and play like we used to, go out for shopping and meals and stuff … But, I’m not blaming him or anything. Come to think of it, did he feel this way previously when I was with my ex? I guessed so. He must have suffered in silence all these years. But, it doesn’t give me a reason not to feel upset about. So, I’m not talking to people at home cos my heart is hurting and I’m too ashamed to say it out. Worse, I feel that my mum doesn’t like me (paranoid right?). She is just trying to fulfill her role and responsibility as a mum (oh esther, pls stop it!). But it’s true, that’s what I’m feeling. She seems to like talking to everyone else but me. If she has a choice to choose who her daughter is, I don’t think she’ll pick me. Cried during dinner with George last week when I told him what I’m feeling. Sigh, I know I’m being so paranoid and negative.
Actually, I’m to blame for many things that I’m unhappy about too. I think I have attitude problem and I guess many people get frustrated with me just as well. Cos I’m simply too impatient with people, with low tolerance. I get super irritated when I can’t get my idea across to people easily. So, I feel it’s tiring to hang out with some people, though it really is not their fault and I may be too critical. This is something which I HAVE to change. I should be more accommodating and understanding towards others since no two brains work the same way. This being a transition period for me as I’m trying to change myself will be tough. Hopefully when I’ve passed this phrase, I will feel better.
But, one thing for sure, an emotion I’ve developed over the years against some people who like to infringe my personal space – get off my back please. I’m not too kind to people who step into my private zone. And I believe that there are some things we cannot change because we will lose our personality in the process.
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