Torn

I laid in bed thinking about what he told me, feeling ever more discouraged.

So, simple wishes in life are for the naïve. And I’ll come to realize that it’s near impossible to find a pure kind of love in men, especially older men. Is this really the reality that I had refused to reconcile with all these years? So that explains why for the past year that I’m single, I couldn’t meet someone that I was looking for? Whatever he said does make some sense. And I feel fearful now – have I been trapping myself in a world of my own?

Why do men enjoy making their life complicated? Why isn’t the peace, that a simple life can bring rewarding enough? My ex is one kind too. Where is that end that they are seeking to reach? Or there isn’t any in the first place.

Yes I may be such a naïve, silly and ignorant girl, but there are values that I believe and want to preserve. So, even if I can never find the unconditional love, at least I’ve lived by my beliefs – and even if one day I realize that I’ve been living in alienation, at least I’ve refused to be corrupted.

One thing for sure, I've been through too much pain to ever allow another person to hurt me again. No matter how much I feel for him.

It’s impossible to love without being torn. That’s it.